MisterC’s Bottom 10 Bengals Draft Picks Courtesy of Owner Mike Brown

In honor or better yet, dishonor, of the dreadful season the Cincinnati Bengals are having, MisterC is dropping the 10 worst Bengals’ draft picks of the Mike Brown era.

The dark ages of NFL football in Cincinnati began in 1991, when Mike Brown took complete control of the franchise after the passing of his legendary father Paul Brown.  Since then, Mike Brown has become the fastest owner to reach 200 loses in the history of the NFL.  Congratulations.  Other records and achievements that Mike Brown has the dishonor of holding are:  the slowest owner to win 100 games, only 2 winning seasons in 20 years, a .359 winning percentage and ZERO playoff victories.  If championships were given out based on terribleness, Mike Brown would be the New York Yankees.

10)  Kimo Von Oelhoffen

In 1994, the Bengals drafted this stud in the 6th round out of Boise State.  Some may be scratching their heads, wondering why a Super Bowl champion and 15 year NFL veteran is on the Bengals’ bottom 10 list.  Well, he is not on the list because he was an underachiever or just plain sucked, like the rest of his list mates.  Kimo, or better yet, Kimo the Assassin, is on the list because he single handedly destroyed the Bengals’ best opportunity of reaching and winning a Super Bowl during the 2005 season.  In a swift act of vengeance for drafting him, Kimo the Assassin, shattered QB Carson Palmer’s left knee during their first round playoff game, killing the dreams of Bengals fans in a way that Ezio Auditore da Firenze would be proud of.

9)   Marco Battaglia

Marco Battagli-who?  If you are not a knowledgeable Bengals fan, you probably have no idea who Marco Battaglia is.  If you are a knowledgeable Bengals fan, you probably wish you didn’t know who Marco Battaglia is.  In the 2nd round of the 1996 draft, the Bengals selected this stallion out of Rutgers University.  In an amazing 8 year career, Marco started 11 out of a possible 96 games, while racking up an astonishing: 71 catches, 660 yards, 2 Tds, 4 fumbles and a Super Bowl ring (2002 Tampa Bay Bucs).  To be fair, Marco was a “blocking” tight end, but you have to question why a franchise would spend a 2nd round pick on a blocking specialist that is not an offensive lineman.

8)  Odell Thurman

How can a 2nd round draft pick and a Rookie of the Year candidate make it on the Bottom 10 list?  Well that’s easy to answer, he was Bungalized!  In the 2005 NFL draft, the Bengals selected a 1st round talent in the 2nd round out of Georgia.  Odell had all the physical tools to be a great NFL player for a long time, but the same reasons that dropped him out of the 1st round of the draft, are the same reasons he only lasted ONE year in the NFL, off the field issues.  In his rookie season, Odell put up some impressive numbers: 98 tackles, 1.5 sacks, 5 interceptions, 4 forced fumbles and 1 touchdown.  After various off the field problems and suspensions, Odell found himself fat, out of shape and out of the NFL.

7)  Peter Warrick

While compiling this list, I tried really, really hard to avoid putting this man on the list.  Peter Warrick is my 2nd favorite college wide receiver of all time behind Randy Moss.  That fateful day in 2000 when I heard the name of Peter Warrick, as the 4th pick of the draft by the Cincinnati Bengals, I could do nothing but shed a tear.  At that very nanosecond, I knew that Warrick’s NFL career was done before it even got started, kind of like a 40 year old virgin.  In a six year career, five with the Bengals, Warrick amassed 2,991 yards receiving, 18 touchdowns receiving, 9 fumbles (5 lost) and a spot in the bottom 10.  Sure there have been players that have put up worst stats in their career, but many of them were not Sugar Bowl MVPs and the 4th pick of the draft.  Should Peter have been the 4th pick in the draft?  Probably not, just another example of poor drafting by Cincinnati.

6)  Jerome Simpson

Speaking of poor drafting, Jeromes in da house!  Next on our list is the only player still on the Bengals roster.  Say the name of Jerome Simpson to a Bengals fan and watch their heads spin like Regan MacNeil at a techno club.  In the 2nd round of the 2008 draft, instead of selecting WR DeSean Jackson or another accomplished collegiate football player, the Bengals selected WR Jerome Simpson out of little ole’ Coastal Carolina.  In three NFL seasons, Jerome has been active for 10 out of a possible 48 games and has ONE reception for TWO stinking yards.  That’s right, a 2nd round NFL pick has one more catch and two more yards than Richard Simmons.

5)  Eric Ghiaciuc

Has there ever been a worse starting center in the history of the NFL?  Maybe, but highly unlikely.  Mr. Ghiaciuc was the 4th round pick in the 2005 draft and became the full time starter in 2006.  If you were to watch game tape of Ghiaciuc, you would probably think you were watching Skating with the Stars.  Never in my life, have I seen an offensive lineman get pushed around as much as I saw Ghiaciuc get pushed around.  Ghiaciuc didn’t wear cleats, he wore skates with rocket boosters pointing the wrong way.  After spending four years in Cincinnati, Ghiaciuc went to the San Diego Chargers where he played in 0 games.  After spending one year in San Diego, Mr. Ghiaciuc bounced around until landing a spot on the Miami Dolphins roster after they suffered injuries.

4)  Jeremi Johnson

This may be the most controversial pick of the list, but hear me out first.  Jeremi “Butterscotch” Johnson was drafted in the 4th round of the 2003 draft.  This athletic butterball became a starter right away, impressing coaches and fans with his nimble feet and excellent blocking.  In 2006, Stay Puff, I mean Jeremi, was a first alternate for the AFC Pro Bowl.  After having a very productive five years in the league, the Bungalization finally caught up with Jeremi.  The concept for the popular television show, Man v Food, was a result of the shows creator witnessing the daily feeding of Jeremizilla.  Of course this is not true, but funny none the less.  At the start of the 2008 season, Jeremi showed up to training camp out of shape.  Instead of practicing during camp, Jeremi was getting into game shape.  Then on Sept. 1 during practice, he suffered a season ending knee injury and was eventually waived.  In 2009, instead of getting a professional football player that cared about his job and staying in shape, the Bengals re-signed Jeremi on April 24.  Once again, instead of practicing with his teammates Day 1 at training camp, Jeremi was with the strength coach getting in shape.

Jeremi is not on the list because he was a terrible professional football player.  In fact, on the field, Jeremi was an excellent FB that should still be in the league.  Jeremi is on the list for symbolic purposes.  He represents what the Bengals organization has been like during the Mike Brown era: inconsistent, lazy, apathetic and pathetic.

3)  David Klingler

The next three chaps, I am certain that 100 out of 100 people would agree that they belong somewhere on this list.  Unfortunately for them, their NFL playing careers will forever be linked with the Cincinnati Bengals of the Mike Brown era.  With the 6th pick in the 1992 draft, the Bengals selected this NCAA record setting QB out of the University of Houston.  In four years with the Bengals, Klingler started 24 games and played in 31.  David put up some pretty pathetic numbers before being replaced by Cincinnati legend Jeff “Shaking” Blake in 1994.  While in Cincinnati, Klingler threw for 16 TDs, 21 INTs and was sacked 83 times.  By being good at math, I was able to calculate that Klingler was sacked once for every 8.3 times he attempted a pass.  For comparative sake, Kyle Orton is sacked once every 15.8 attempts and the man, Peyton Manning is sacked once every 31.0 attempts.

2)  Ki-Jana Carter

One rule I follow when drafting players in franchise mode on Madden is wait to pick up a running back in the middle rounds.  Good running backs are a dime a dozen.  Great running backs are harder to come by.  Apparently, Mike Brown thought Ki-Jana Carter was going to be a great NFL running because he spent the first overall pick on him.  In college, Ki-Jana was an absolute monster and should have been at the very least a serviceable NFL running back.  On April 22nd of 1995, Ki-Jana became both rich and Bungalized at the same time.  The bad luck started early for KJ when he tore a knee ligament on the third carry of his very first preseason game in 1995.  The Bungalization continued for the next four years, with Carter playing in 35 of a possible 64 games.  In those 35 games, the #1 overall pick rushed for 747 yards, rushed for ONE touchdown, lost 4 fumbles and was booed more times than Wacka Flocka Flame at the Apollo.

1)  Akili Smith

And the winner is…  Guess who!  Kabisa Akili Maradufu Smith, the JaMarcus Russell before JaMarcus Russell.  With the 3rd pick in the 1999 draft, the Bengals selected a QB that had only started in 11 games on the collegiate level.  This draft pick is hands down the worst pick in the history of the Bengals for two reasons.  First reason is real simple, Akili Smith sucked.  The second reason is what the Bengals could have had instead of the future bust Akili.  To refresh the fans memories, the 1999 draft is the same draft where temporarily insane Mike Ditka traded away everything he had for RB Ricky Williams.  The New Orleans Saints offered the Bengals nine draft picks: all of their picks that year, their first round picks in 2000 and 2001, and a second round in 2002, to trade up to the third pick.  So instead of taking the best trade offer since the Cowboys’ Herschel Walker trade, Mike Brown said no thanks, Akili Smith is my man.  Or more specifically, Mr. Brown said, “It was a generous offer, but we felt now is the time to get the quarterback…  The guy (Akili) we took we feel has an excellent chance to be a long-time good quarterback.  We think he has a better chance than anyone we could pick in the position after him, and maybe before.”  In retrospect, if that statement doesn’t sum up the incompetence with which the Bengals organization has had in the past 20 years, nothing can.

In four years in Cincinnati, Akili played in 22 games and started 17 of those.  He also put up some Peyton Manning (sarcasm) type numbers with 2,212 yards passing, 5 Tds, 13 INTs, 19 fumbles (8 lost) and 59 sacks.

Stats at www.nfl.com